the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
