I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
