Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
