I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
