You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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