it's too hot outside to masturbate.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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