He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
