Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
