my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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