I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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