your parents love me but you hate me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
