Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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