I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
