The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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