90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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