LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
