I'm eating all of the evidence.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
