I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Less talking, more tequila
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
