Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
