My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
