Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time

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(312): View more from Illinois

Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.

(773): View more from Illinois

...well that sucks.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(920): View more from Wisconsin

the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??

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(602): View more from Arizona

Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times

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(925): View more from California

I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf

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