No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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