i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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