its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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