Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
