Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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