I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
