Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
