i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm at about main and main street
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
