i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
