guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
