I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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