Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
