So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
