The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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