Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The feeling are messing with the penis
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You ruined the universe
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
