Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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