There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
organizing the empties. That sober.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
