Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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