This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
