I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
