Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
