would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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