all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
