between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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