seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
