Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have feelings that need drinking.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
