we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
