Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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