So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
