Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
