My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
