Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
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Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize