Plan B is the new Plan A
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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