I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're a waste of cheezeits
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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