You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
