So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
