it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
