my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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