i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
