If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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