what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ttyl tear gas
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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