What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
