Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Oh god it's open bar.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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