it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
