it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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