whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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