i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
