Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
