sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Vodka?
Forever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
