Just fell off a train. Bad.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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