he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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