I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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