I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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