it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
