my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
