Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
