No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I need to stop coming to work sober
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
even my farts smell like vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
