I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
