Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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