So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
