My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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