Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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