i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
