All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
