I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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