I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
