): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
