Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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