that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
