I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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