all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
