I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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