Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
