Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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