Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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