Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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