Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
