I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
