So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
