I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need a burrito and a hug.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
