My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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