Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
